Wolverine Loves Jean Greyand Scott?
by The Notorious Peter Pan
Summary: Romance, violence, Jedi light sabers. What is going on? FInd Out as Jean Grey recieves the greatest shock of her young, beautiful life!


Hi. This is a parody meant to inspire gales of laughter or maybe a few snickers. Anyway, this is a complete joke and not meant to offend anyone. It's merely just pure silliness.

So please enjoy this little satire.

Em, this one is for you.

Thanks.

The White Rabbit

* * *

Hot, warm afternoon sunlight filtered in gorgeously through the stained glass windows of Jean's study, falling on her lustrous, soft red hair. It glowed like rubies.

She sat quietly contemplating her novel, Titus Groan, when she all of a sudden noticed the sunlight falling on her beautiful hair.

_Oh, my how beautiful my hair looks today_, she thought. _It's so smooth and shiny and silky, and ooh, how soft it is. And how red to! Wow! My hair is like, really really red today! How I love running my hands through it! Ooh it is soooooooooooooooooo soft and smells soooooo good! _She smiled, and then realization struck. _What the hell? When do I _ever_ muse about my hair? God damn! What's wrong with me?_

And as if to drive the thoughts of her lustrous silky red hair, she flung it behind her and got up. She started to pace. Her thoughts were clouded, a milky film attempting to block her cranial processes.

She crossed her arms and stroked her chin, thinking deeply. She thought really deeply.

Then, all of a sudden, Logan a.k.a. Wolverine burst through the door, sending wooden splinters all around. Jean was knocked to the floor, her body feeling heavy, very heavy, as she lay crumpled.

"My darling Jean!" proclaimed Logan, "I have come to declare my undying love you!" He noticed her crumpled form and dashed to her, standing up tall, bringing her close to his very muscled body, his biceps rippling strongly against her.

"Oh Jean, how could I have harmed you?"

She turned up and stared into his face and said simply, "You could never hurt me."  
"You're right. I never could."

"Logan, why have you come?"

"Jean, I couldn't bear it any longer. I had to tell you how I felt, how I needed you, wanted you to be with me and only me. I love you Jean. I've always loved you. Marry me Jean?"

She stared into his deep penetrating eyes and thought _Hey, something isn't right here. I love Scott. I –_

But before she could finish the thought, Logan pulled her up to him and kissed her passionately. His lips were all over her mouth, contorting themselves into the most intricate ways. He kissed her more passionately than Scott; he kissed her more passionately than the man in black kissed Buttercup; more passionately Jack kissed Rose in _Titanic_, more passionately than –

_Okay_, she interjected, _I get it. And Scott _does _kiss more passionately than Logan. Wait, where the hell is this narrative voice coming from?_

Once again, her thoughts were interrupted when Scott a.k.a. Cyclops, burst through the already nonexistent door. He was fuming and he was ready to kick some major wolverine butt.

"You unhand my girl right this instant!"

"Scott!" cried Jean.

"Scott!" cried Logan. He was staring meanly at Scott, who stood in the doorway in a manly way, his beautiful man muscles rippling amazingly in the afternoon sunlight.

Jean broke away from Wolverine. From her mouth she blurted, "Scott, he took me by surprise! I didn't mean to."

"It's okay," he said reassuringly, holding her close. "Just plant one on me baby!" He swung her up and took her mouth in his and kissed her with more vigor than Logan.

_Now this is what I call kissing_, she thought. And almost as if in reply, she though she heard a slight voice protest _Not yet missy_.

Jean felt herself torn away from Scott and she fell on the floor heavily. She looked up to see Logan and Scott stare menacingly into each others eyes, and then they kissed passionately and with great vigor, afraid to let the moment end.

Her mouth fell open.

Within two seconds the two men were standing as far apart from the other as they could and sputtering wildly.

"What the hell did you think you were doing?"

"I could ask you the same damn thing Scott."

"Well it wasn't my idea."

"Mine either. I'd rather be kissing a goat."

"If it's any consolation, you happen to smell like one."

They stared at each other, took a few steps forward, and fell upon each other, kissing each other passionately as if it were Jean they were holding in their arms. Jean, dumbstruck, could only watch in utter disbelief. What the hell was going on here? Had everyone gone completely insane?

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" thundered a voice from the very air itself. Jean looked all around her for the voice's source. Scott and Logan just kept at it.

At that moment, a short, chubby teenage boy with terrible acne scars appeared dressed in what looked like a pair of pajamas with space man print on it.

"Who are you?" Jean asked, about ready to keel over from shock.

"My screen name is Captain Wolverine2434. But you, pretty baby, can call me Todd." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and Jean had the instant reaction and desire to be physically sick.

"You moron," screeched another voice, "You can't pop into their universe and make your presence known. It's like, totally against the rules!" A girl who was tall, lanky, and wearing coke-bottle glasses appeared next to the boy, her stork-like neck sticking out from her hunched shoulders. He glared at her as she whacked him with her hand.

"Aren't you in violation of your own lame rules? And what is up with them?" He motioned toward Logan and Scott, who had now stopped and were standing uncomfortably next to each other. Jean got up and stared.

"Who are you?" she asked, fearful.

"I am Flapjackbabygirl32453 and I write meaningful fan-fiction. This is Todd, who writes crap."

"You take that back!" he shouted.

"No," she replied snidely.

"Then eat light saber!" Immediately his appearance changed and he started wielding a large green light saber.

"Oh no you don't ruin this continuity!" she screamed, and her light saber appeared, a blinding and hideous shade of pink. They began to battle it out, striking at each other violently, attempting to seriously wound the other, screaming indecencies not mneat for polite society, whipping the sabers dangerously close to each other. The smell of burning hair quickly enveloped the whole room.

Jean, who had had just about enough of this crap turned to Logan and Scott and asked, "Do you guys want to go get a cup of coffee?"

The guys turned to each other, shrugged, and simultaneously said, "Yeah sure. Why not?"

And they left the mansion and the two fan fiction writers to battle it out where they soon enjoyed some amazing cups of coffee. The fan fiction writers were kicked out of the mansion and they were never heard from again.


End file.
